There's a brilliant album by Dr. Octagon called "Dr. Octagonecologyst." It features a terrific lyric that goes "I'm the Doctor, you wait on the waiting list; patients been here since this morning I dismiss." It's so mean and ridiculous.
I vowed to have this be the first thing I said when I got my Ph.D.
It's a little tricky, though, knowing exactly when you get your Ph.D. -- Is it when your advisor shakes your hand and says "congratulations?" Is it when they all sign off on the document saying every criterion is satisfied? Is it when you are handed your fake diploma in the commencement? Or is it when you receive your diploma in the mail?
To cover my bases, I made sure it was the first thing I said after every one of them. I think I screwed up and said "thank you" before this great line after one of my advisors Ashok shook my hand, but the other ones I think I got just fine. It's on my list of things to be proud of.